It took more than a year for me to struggle with the question of whether I should commit myself to believing in the Creator of the Bible.
The worldview provided in the Bible was attractive. It gave me the most direct answers to many of the important questions in life. Why was there something instead of nothing? Why was I here? Where was I going to? What was the meaning of life? It seemed to me that the biblical worldview could answer all of these questions straightforwardly without contradicting each other.
Could I just believe in the biblical God because it offered answers to my questions? Definitely not! The existence of God could not depend on whether I could find answers to difficult questions. The biblical God had to exist in order for the answers offered in the Bible to even make sense! It could not go the other way around. A thousand dollars on my table would make me happy, but that didn’t really make a thousand dollars to show up on my table! The thousand dollars needed to be there first, then I would be happy.
During those time of my struggle, I read a bible story that echoed what I thought. It was in chapter 9 of the Gospel of Mark. A man brought his demon-possessed son to Jesus’ disciples, who were unable to help him. When Jesus came and was looking into the situation, the man said “It (the demon) has often thrown him (his son) into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” Jesus replied that everything was possible for one who believed. Then the man immediately exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
l wanted to believe in the biblical Creator, but I could not. There seemed to be endless questions following. If the biblical God existed, I would need His help to overcome my unbelief.
My “prayer” went along the following lines, “God, you can hear me if you really exist, and you know what I am looking for. I hope to find a belief that stand firm under straight rational scrutiny, and that I can proclaim confidently to anyone the logic for my belief. There may be something that I can never understand, but that should not be part of my answer to the question: Why do you believe?”
